A Guide on How to Perform Anal: 19 First-Time Anal Sex Tips

You may be curious about how to perform anal sex if you've never done it before. Specifically, how do you get ready, unwind, and savor the private moment with your partner? And is anal sex secure? The frequency of these queries is rising. More young women than ever—45%—are investigating anal play, according to Kinsey Institute research. 

To address your inquiries regarding your first anal sex, we consulted professionals. They all offered different advice for those who were just starting, but one thing they all agreed on was this: Preparation and consent are essential to having a good time with anal sex. The host of the anal sex podcast The Plug and sex educator Luna Matata says that sometimes you're not in the mood for anal and other times your butthole isn't either. "Anal sex is hotter with more arousal in the entire body and erotic mind, in addition to hygiene, preparation, and communication," says the author. It is crucial to be ready for this situation, and one of the best ways to be is to educate yourself. 

Anal sex can be intimidating for those who have never experienced it, but fortunately, there are lots of ways to become familiar before engaging in it in real life. A certified sex therapist and the founder of Modern Intimacy, Kate Balestrieri, PsyD, advises, "Look up educational resources, research various toys, and consider the questions you may have for yourself and your partner." "Be deliberate in your planning and take your time to express your needs, fears, and hopes." "Relaxation, lubrication, communication" is a mantra that Carol Queen, Ph.D., a staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, recommends using as you navigate your first anal sex experience. Each of the pieces of advice that follow is essentially a combination of those three. 

Learn more about how to get ready for anal sex and have a safe, comfortable, and enjoyable experience the first time by reading on. 

1. Calm your body as well as your mind. Anal penetration (or anal stimulation) should never be attempted while you are tense. Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, argues that if you're hesitant, anxious, or not into it, nobody will get off. What's the point of that? If this is your first time engaging in anal sex, take some time to unwind. Take a hot bath, ask your partner to give you a sensual massage, or even try meditation. You can concentrate on calming down the muscles in your anal sphincter, in particular, to get ready for anal sex. Tighten your butt muscles and then let them loose to experience how that feels. It will feel somewhat like a Kegel for the other end. 

2. Have honest conversations. Talking to your partner is the first step in learning how to have anal sex. Initially, discuss it. According to Rachel Needle, PsyD, a licensed psychologist, and certified sex therapist, "Anal sex is something that should be discussed beforehand, as with all types of sexual activity." Make sure you and your partner are on the same page regarding issues like speed, depth, etc. by discussing your concerns and expectations. You do not want any surprises here, I can assure you. 

3. Draw clear lines. Your responsibility is to remain aware of your feelings throughout the experience and let your partner know what they are. Let them know if something hurts or feels uncomfortable. To let your partner know you're not comfortable moving forward or that you'd like to move a little slower, you might decide to create a safeword.

 4. Start soaping. According to Needle, "many people's fear of first-time anal sex stems from a fear of what goes on back there (naturally) and how that's going to play into the action. Take a nice steamy shower first to rid yourself of these mental obstacles, she advised. 

5. Experiment with foreplay frequently. Ensure that you are extremely aroused beforehand as this is one of the best ways to ease into anal play. According to Taormino, rushing is the most common error people make. Start with anything that makes you feel sexy, including foreplay and vaginal sex. (Being one or two orgasms into yourself before attempting any anal penetration helps.) It will be hotter and simpler to experience, she claims, the more aroused you are. This is because your sphincter muscle will be relaxed. 

6. Make extensive use of lubrication. What's the trick to truly appreciating anal sex? Lube all the things. The anus does not produce its lubricant, unlike the vagina. According to Needle, anal sex can become more cozy and pleasurable as you use more lube. Applying water- or silicone-based lubricant is important if your partner is using a condom because oil-based lubricants don't work with condoms. Reapplying frequently is nothing to be afraid of. Always, better anal sex results from using more lube. 

7. Take the appropriate stance. To control the depth and rate of penetration during first-time anal sex, the receiver (also known as the partner being penetrated) should be present. Since you would need to use your legs more in that position, tensing the pelvic floor and causing the anal sphincter to tighten, certified sex educator Ellen Barnard does not advise the receiver to be on top for first-time anal experiences. Barnard also has a few other ideas for sex positions that are good for newcomers. It's best to lay on your back at the edge of the bed with your partner between your legs, Barnard advises. Then, you can either hold them behind their knees or move into them by placing your legs on their shoulders. The pelvic floor can be very open and relaxed as a result. You can move back into the penis or dildo when you're spooning rather than having them move into you, which is a great position. 

8. Go gradually. Your backdoor is not a water slide, regardless of how much lubricant you use. It's best to treat your first experience with anal sex like stepping into a steaming hot tub. Before experimenting with inserting anything, you first test the waters during foreplay by letting your partner gently rub around the opening with their finger. Start slowly by inserting just the tip before going any deeper, whether you're using a penis, a finger, or a toy. It can be slowed down with tantric sex. 

9. Try a toy. It can be very helpful to ease into things by using anal sex toys like a small dildo, anal plugs, or anal vibrators. Being kind and communicating is crucial in this situation. Don't hesitate to speak up if anything feels too awkward. Whether engaging in manual, oral, or vaginal sex, Barnard advises purchasing a set of progressively sized anal plugs and wearing them. An anal plug with a round flared base is recommended by Barnard if you intend to combine vaginal stimulation with it because one with a banana base can obstruct it. (However, do this with tact. Vaginal stimulation tips are provided in tip #14.) 

10. Avoid pollinating each other. Never insert anything into the vagina, whether it's a finger, a toy, or a penis; it could cause a urinary tract infection. If you decide to switch from anal play to vaginal stimulation afterward, hop in the shower to keep the action going or keep a tub of baby wipes on your nightstand to sanitize in between. 

11. Keep your breathing in mind. People frequently hold their breath during the first few penetration-related seconds. As a direct result, those muscles immediately tighten, which will only cause discomfort. Breathe evenly and deeply while concentrating on letting all tension out of your body. Initially, you might feel as though you need to use the restroom, but don't push it. 

12. Express pain publicly. New sensations, some strange and some amazing, will be abundant in a first-time anal play. Pain is something you shouldn't experience. Inform your partner as soon as possible if the penetration hurts at any point during the action. It might be a good idea to add more lube, slow down the action, or even take a break and try a different form of stimulation. Another method to ease discomfort is by using props. 

In particular for anal missionary positions, Matata suggests sex wedge cushions or pillow props. Apply a condom. If your partner has a penis, you should still use a condom even though there is no chance of becoming pregnant. To stop sexually transmitted infections, you must use condoms. Just remember to use a different condom if you want to avoid spreading infection from anal to vaginal penetration. Before inserting the condom into the vagina, throw it away and put on a new one.

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