This Is What Couples Should Discuss when They Talk about Sex. 6 Things All Couples Who Are Good at Sex Talk about

Asking the correct questions and talking about sex in a partnership are crucial components of every relationship. But what exactly looks like a constructive conversation about couple sex?

According to Jackie Golob, a mental health counselor and sex and relationship therapist at the Centre for Sexual Wellness, "Healthy couples don't actually make a big deal when talking about sex. The key to healthy sexual communication is consistency. When we wake up in the morning, foreplay starts. In order to satisfy one another, ensure our partners' safety, and make us eager for our next sexual experience, we must compromise and communicate our wants effectively as a pair.

According to Cay Crow, a licensed professional counselor, trained sex therapist, and certified sex therapy supervisor, maintaining this discussion has the advantage of making discussing any problems less difficult.

She claims, "Good sex doesn't just happen. "Couples must make an effort to maintain the flame by prioritizing healthy communication. Healthy couples will address it if their sexual drive dwindles. If they want to have a physical examination, they might visit a doctor. Through treatment, they could focus on particular needs.

According to Carol Queen, PhD, a professional sexologist at Good Vibrations, communicating about sex effectively takes practice, and improving it will surely result in improved communication throughout your relationship.

Here are six topics that all successful sex relationships discuss.

1. They Discuss Their Sexual Life Frequently and at the Appropriate Moments

Regular sex-related dialogues ought to take place. Couples should discuss everything, from wishes to more specific intimacy-related issues. And it matters when you have them, as Queen underlines. She explains, "It's not just what you say; it's when you say it.

In other words, you need to be aware of the appropriate times to bring up sexual issues. Because these discussions can only be successful if both parties are in the correct frame of mind.

Making sure your partner has the emotional capacity to speak directly with you is key to effective communication, according to Queen. If not, setting a later time can help a couple concentrate more intently.

Attendance is crucial when conducting the conversation.

According to Queen, active listening enables spouses to confirm that they have understood what their partner has spoken. If something is misunderstood, it can be discovered immediately rather than going down a destructive rabbit hole.

2. They Talk About the Upcoming Date and Schedule Sex on the Calendar

Golob claims that when we offer justifications like "I'm too tired" or "I'm too busy," our relationship loses importance. "Writing down dates and scheduling times for sex is healthy."

Couples should sit down and talk about days when you expect to have enough free time to really connect and your combined workload is typically lighter. Then, schedule it, send out some notifications, and use the days running up to the action to build excitement.

Golob continues, "Healthy couples can tease each other before the actual intercourse." Their imaginations are free to fantasize and wander throughout the week, and they discuss what they are looking forward to.

Naturally, scheduling sex enhances communication about the approaching sex as well as general sex communication. And it's better than a week of chilly showers.

3. They Openly Discuss Their Likes and Dislikes

A sexual bucket list is fantastic. Deeper conversations and intriguing new bedtime customs may result. However, it is not a binding contract that either you or your partner must follow. According to Crow, sharing that reality is crucial for a good sex life.

Each partner must feel secure, at ease, and safe, according to her. "Sex is adult play; it's creative and unrestrained. When communicating, healthy couples express who they are as well as what they believe their partner wants them to be. From there, approximating their partner's needs gets simpler and more natural with a little imagination.

She continues by saying that healthy sex is a celebration of the union.

The relationship can be negatively impacted by improper communication about what you do or don't want to do, which will simply stifle your desires.

4. They Discuss Their Triggers—Without Shaming Their Partner.

Everyone has soft areas in discussion that bring up previous insecurities or problems, according to Queen. "Couples that communicate well are rarely caught off guard by those. Instead, they are aware of such themes when they arise, take responsibility for their responses, and move on without assigning blame.

Placing blame in any sex conversation should be avoided at all times since it unfairly attributes our difficulties to our partner. She continues, "Using words like 'You always...' or 'You never...' suggests that we strive to make a problem our partner's fault alone, instead of accounting for our own role as well.

5. They Discuss a Sex Menu

Healthy couples can categorize their individual sexual proclivities and preferences based on arousal, comfort, boundaries, and curiosity.

According to Crow, "You don't own your partner's sexual tastes." You or your partner may have different moods at different times, much like with food.

Crow frequently counsels couples to have a conversation by creating three columns of sexual activity. What you like and plan to do is listed in the first column. The second is something you could try. The third is something you will never do. This practice is excellent for improving communication if your signals have grown muddled and for getting a better understanding of what your partner likes during sex because the notion of sex may vary so significantly.

6. They Discuss and Encourage One Another's Sexual Strengths

Any good relationship, especially a sexual one, requires validation. According to Golob, humans are wired to think negatively, and sex is frequently a context in which certain words or phrases can have long-lasting effects.

According to her, "We need 3-5 positive thoughts or comments for every negative one we hear in order to rewire our brain and restore its neuroplasticity." "Healthy marriages recognize and respect one another. They make sure to cover everything, accentuate the good, and invite their companion to share. Additionally, they are honest, up front, and involved during these dialogues. Your ability to communicate as a pair, both in and out of the bedroom, will improve if you know what particular words, questions, or rewards (sexual or otherwise), make your spouse feel more self-assured.

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